I’m not patient for shit.
He sat on my futon with a tank top and ear buds.
We met at a Miami airport 2 years ago because I was doing a vlog and he wanted to know how he could follow me on social media.
2 years later, he’s my intern. His name is Jonathan, and he wants to be more patient. He asked me to teach him. So I just started writing this.
But this isn’t about Jonathan. It’s basically about all of us.
I was in Washington DC yesterday for a client meeting and had a few hours before I headed back to NYC. I took some of my team to see the White House. We snapped a few photos, and then saw some drunk overweight dude in glasses ask people for money to help children. Every time someone said no, or didn’t respond, he aggressively yelled,
“you are Nazi’s.”
He got arrested.
My niece’s fourth month of being alive was a few days ago. She got some shots and my brother was worried she’d be in pain. I hope she wasn’t. But she lived through it.
My grandpa’s 92nd birthday would have been today. But he died a while ago. It was the only time in my life that I have been depressed. I loved him for 22 years.
I couldn’t remember what month we were in today. The weather in NYC can’t decide if it wants to be summer in the city or autumn with cool 68 degree nights. I’m fine with either.
How long ago was your last relationship, girls ask me? A few months I guess. I reply. I don’t understand that question. It makes no sense to me.
It’s funny for me to think about time. What it means. What it represents. What it manifests.
Someone told me I looked old as fuck last week in a cafe. Today, a beautiful blonde girl told me I look young. Both are fine. I like looking old. I like looking young.
As humans, I think we crave security. We want to know that our businesses will make money, that our marriages will stand the test of time, that our parents will have long and meaningful lives.
We put so much pressure on time. You are 5 minutes late. You are not pregnant at 37 (your clock is ticking), where is my food?
Time. Pressure. Time. Pressure = stress + lost time. Feels like a losing formula.
I’m trying to think about how I can tie all this together, so here’s my best shot at understanding how my mind works about patience. About how I become more patient.
My parents facetimed me today and we laughed.
I made my grandma a video and she smiled.
I cooked my intern dinner and he cleaned his plate.
I offered a couch to my camera crew last night after a 19 hour day and he slept well.
I worked my body hard for an hour in the humane setting of central park, and I felt amazing.
I gave a stranger free advice and she said it helped.
I honored my commitment to an online training even though it was difficult to find the login page.
I sat down to write this with a quick breeze blowing over my left hand.
I spent 15 minutes listening to a TED talk about the foods we were meant to eat as humans.
I’m learning every day to be thoughtful about time. To respect it. To honor it. Somedays are better than others, and I feel it. I have big aspirations and goals, and somedays I feel like I am closer than ever. Other days I want to throw my phone in the ocean and disappear into a small cabin in the woods.
Which one is right? I have no idea.
Back to Jonathan, my intern.
Here’s what I didn’t tell you about his question.
Their was a second part.
How can I be more patient (part 1), because I want to be more patient NOW (part 2)?
My soul chuckled because I see so much of myself in this young ambitious and curious human.
Here’s my advice about how you can be more patient:
Don’t listen to a word I say or watch a thing I do. I’m still in my own process so who am I to be your “role model.” But this May help..
Write down a list of things that made you feel alive today (Jonathan). Like the powerful Uniting the America’s finalist video you made or the phone call with your mom or the delicious breakfast bowl that made you excited.
Because at the end of the day, that’s how you spent your time. And I think you did a good job doing a good job.
But that means nothing unless you agree.
In your own time, your own pace, your own speed.
As patiently or impatiently as you want.
Because it’s your life today.
And hopefully tomorrow, too.
But only time will tell.